Good Things

Seeing 3 green woodpeckers flying into the woods as I drove to get the smalls.

Seeing a sparrow hawk fly very low alongside the verge as I drove back from school,I drive so slowly in these lanes, & puttering along at 10mph it was incredible to see it dip & skim along in front of me then GASP! I exclaimed outloud as it suddenly exploded into speed taking a sharp angle & blasted up in front of me whalloping into a small bird,sparrow or blue tit, I couldnt see. Feathers showered down & it glided away with its meal in its talons.

Seeing ancient wood glow from my elbow grease, I truly understand the word patina now :o) Inside I glowed with pleasure at seeing the glow from the wood. I am quite enthralled by the thoughts of how many hands have done what I am now doing,how many years have passed.

When my life feels turbulant, spending time with things that have been there for centuries is very soothing indeed :o)

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Keeping Perspective

So yes there have been moments this weekend when I have wanted to screech with fury & indignation & frustration. When because I know how damned hard I am trying, how much I bite my tongue, I find it bewildering & impossible that someone else can act in such a way.

So yes the thought of moving fills me with equal excitment & dread, I am not one of natures natural uprooters. I find things being dismantled & packed & cleared unsettling & my eyes have welled with tears more times than I care to mention.

So yes I am tired, more tired than I can remember in a long time,its not so much the work although its good honest physical work,I have already seen another 2lbs drop off this week!but the change of routine. I either sleep like a log or my head whirrs in the early hours. The damned clock change I loathe & I look foward to winter solstice when we tip back towards more light again.

But I am alive. My loved ones are alive.
Its all about keeping perspective.

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My First Week

If I start by saying I am so tired that I have plonked down here with the camera left in the kitchen & I cannot....simply cannot..move to get it...
I took some great pics of the smalls today sorting the 2 brace of partridge that we got yesterday(Thankyou Farmer Edward!)but they will have to wait until tomorrow, I c.a.n.n.o.t move
LOL!
well its been the first paid work since January 2004, my pregnancy was a hard one & I was signed off for nearly all of it! so yes nearly 5 years. I am blessed beyond words that such an opportunity was offered to me. The manor is an honour to take care of,to ease beeswax into 500 year old wood is a good way to spend ones working hours :o) & so far no ghosts....although I have been warned!

I got another job at one of the farmhouses here in the village so took the smalls with me the afternoon I did that. They were gems bless them, they tootled round & round as its a lovely rambling old place with bits they could weave in & out of,E helped me hoover & M was doing *lots of wiping mama* They are dear dear little souls, I burst with pride when I look at them :o)

So thats 3 customers now for my little business, I was scrunching up newspaper for the fire when I caught the line Richard Branson started his empire selling records from a telephone box,ha made me laugh as we as a parish council are just about to buy the village one from BT for £1, ( I have put forward that we retain the telephone service,BT are hoping all rural areas just roll over & go phuttt as far as having a telephone service goes grrrr, I fought the point that in an area besett by power cuts, & not to forget we have an uncertain energy future ahead of us, people cannot rely on their electronic phones working,as they wont! I have my big red one I can plug in remember!~mobiles eventually need charging & theres next to no signal here anyhow,there may come a day we are damned glad to have the phone box plus theres a couple that have no landline & use it~Enough god reasons to keep it I thought!) but hmm yes I laughed at the thought of me using it for my Two Bright Buttons business, I could use it to store my mops in :o)

I have hit 16 hours a week & have a grin as big as a cheshire cat albeit on a very tired face :o)
I have even dadadaaaaaaaaaaa! packed 2 boxes,ye gads.....its a drop in the ocean lol!!! Hopefully we can start moving some stuff over soon,the outside stuff to some of the outbuildings, theres so much outside stuff gulp..... nevermind it will all be fine :o)

I will be Queen of Chaos by time I am all moved over there thats for sure!
The girls dad is staying tonight though to Sunday evening, its far from easy for me but I focus on whats good for them,my feelings on the matter dont come in that one at the moment. Hes gone out somewhere this evening so thats ok,I will be in bed by the time he returns, I will be in bed very soon in fact yawn...........

As I drove back from dropping the smalls at school one morning this week I slowly inched down the steep winding hill & gazed into the sky with delight as the biggest rainbow arched right in front of me.

Lifes not a bed of roses,but its damned fine.
Damned fine :o)

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Today I

Woke at 5am, listened to the radio, got up,folded washing, cuddled smalls as they came down the stairs,breakfasted & dressed,dropped the smalls at school,then worked solid for 2 hours,I am sat here now with aching arms & a grin to myself :o)
I finished at 11.20 which gave me time to get back here to get some more washing out on the line,have a cold glass of milk & then get up the lane to the smalls. They came bounding out of school nattering & scampering with all their friends :o)
My pal arrived for a quick lunch & natters & when I waved her off I hopped on the phone & the computer, I set up a new bank account in my sole name over the phone, I rang the tax credit people to say I was now earning & then.........

I registered my new self employed business with the Inland Revenue.
I am sat here now so darn tired, but my heck the happiest I have been in a long time :o) I feel like I am in control of my own destiny.Its a damned good feeling. A damned good feeling.

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This Morning Was The Last

Crow for the big Light Sussex. Farmer Tony came & did the deed for me as he was just too big & too mean for me to want to do it. I had managed to shut him on his own in the enclosure so it didn't take Farmer Tony too long to catch him, a swift jerk of the neck & some mad flapping & that was it. His throat was cut to let the blood out & I then set to plucking & drawing him.

I put the organs in a bucket & the smalls who had been inside doing something else,came out & peered at them. We had a biology lesson with me pointing to their torso to show lungs,heart etc now cockerels of course have 2 extra bits that hens don't.....You do need to make sure you remove them as well lol! they are by all accounts bitter & will taint the meat if you leave them in.

So there were the smalls,peering into the bucket, nattering about intestines etc when I cant recall which one pointed at these 2 huge smooth oval shapes & asked mama what are THEY?

I thought for a moment & then answered with a laugh, his brains my darling, his brains!!!!

(of course they soon corrected me as they know what a brain looks like,there was much eye rolling & they thought mama a most daft thing indeed......)

Hes a good size bird, much bigger than the one I killed last year.The golden eagle one lol! the indian game bird we think he is, got a reprieve..hes so far been fair tempered although that could have been because the LS had the upper hand. We shall see........

Its been an up & down sort of day here today.Some parts of this new direction my life has taken are nothing short of very difficult. But I am a glass half full kind of gal so it doesnt take me long to perk up & focus on the good things, the lovely things :o) There was a comment recently from someone who said they hoped the little church would rally round me, well the church & village are woven deeply & I have been so touched by the kindness & offers of help from my neighbours here in the village. I knew when I first moved here that I felt I had come home & that feeling has intenstified. At times I feel I am being hurtled along, into a new future, almost with no input from me! Yet I have faith that its whats meant to be. Yes at times this past week I have crept up the stairs early to bed with an almost crippling headache theres been so much to even start to think about, its been over whelming & daunting I cant deny that.

Tomorrow is my first step into my new life, my new routine, I will be dropping the smalls at school & then back here to start up at the manor. The first step is an exciting one to take :o)

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Halloween

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The Path Before Me

As the beautiful lyrics in my top picture say~Paths are there for us to follow.........
I share with you now the path laid before me. I have been offered & accepted a job as housekeeper at the manor house in our village :o)

I will get paid a wage plus a rent free cottage in the grounds(which my dear readers let me tell you is nothing short of gorgeous!)Its the old stables so is all on the same level yayayyaa no more stairs to hoover!!!! yippeeeeeee!!!

The kitchen had me agreeing lol! its huge,with room for a big big table,lots of chairs, my settle, my dresser will go in there,my sewing machine can go there on a table & I will be finding squashy armchair to go in there as well thats for sure :o) Its got a quarry tile floor,perfect for smalls to paint & glue at the table & run in from the garden with muddy boots,unlike here where its a hop & a step to a cream(argg) carpet.Theres a lovely old beam in there & I am pretty sure unlike here theres height for an over head pulley clothes airer.
Theres even a wee utility room oh joy of joys lol,a larder cupboard, a sitting room thats miles bigger & longer than the one room we have here to do everything in .The smalls can have one end with all their bits :o) There are french doors out onto the garden as well.We lose on bedroom size,the smalls will have the double which is smaller than their current room,& dad & I a single each,I have measured & my bed & my big chest of drawers will just fit lol!! theres build in cupboards for clothes & stuff in each room so I wont need to find room for wardrobes. Its filled with light & is up together & yes I just beamed :o)
We will have 2 outbuildings & a shed,plenty of room for logs,tools,freezers etc... & most important I can take my Clearview woodburner!

The garden overlooks the orchard & the paddock & is very secure,perfect for smalls :o)its smaller than here,here we have a tiny living space but huge outside space,but its still a fine size.Being realistic my work will mean less time to manage a big garden & we still have the field plot,we can get our greenhouses down to the new place so that will mean easy to care for the wee seedlings as they start off in life :o)

I will be working in the achingly ancient & beautiful manor in the morning & then will collect the smalls from school & then they can help me with the animals in the afternoons,which they are p.r.e.t.t.y over the moon about :o)

Dads going to be doing garden work there which hes really chuffed about because it really is an honour to be caring for such a building & grounds,its over 500 years old.

The way this came about was nothing short of astonishing, in the space of less than a week,my life has gone from bleak looking to rather rosy :o)
There will be things I cannot for security reasons,obviously blog about but a general way of life, a general feel for my days & the animals will be I hope enough to keep you dear readers. I will be working hard in the house,the garden, the livestock,I will be getting training from the gamekeeper on butchery,lots & lots of new skills. I will be helping with the shooting weekends & I will be smiling, from the bottom of my heart I will be smiling :o)

Like I said,hop aboard the magic carpet,its whizzing me along at breakneck speed to a new life,a new way of life & I am very excited & very very blessed.

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